There are some links sprinkled through this post, they're all Bible verses that intertwine with the things we're talking about today.
"It's just been a really long week."
My answer to the inevitable question my husband is going to ask at some point between the days of Friday and Sunday: "are you okay?" I don't say inevitable in a condescending way, I say it because I completely understand why he asks. It has been a long week. I have a three year old, a seven month old, a business, a home to keep up, and about 1000 other plates to keep spinning. I'm pretty sure every week will be long for the foreseeable future.
For the foreseeable future, personal space is some mythical concept that will always be out of reach.
For the foreseeable future, getting things done in an orderly, time effective manner will be downright laughable.
For the foreseeable future, the laundry will never be done. Neither will the dishes or the disciplining or the cooking.
For the foreseeable future, my needs come last on a very long list.
This is my reality. A reality that is very easy to get bogged down by. I don't mean to be negative, there is so much joy and goodness in my life sometimes I get absolutely overwhelmed by it. But are you with me that it's just all so much? I want to make sure we're calling it like we see it. Yes, being a mother is so dang beautiful it's ridiculous, but holy cow - it's also hard. They don't call it in the trenches for nothing. I'm here to tell you that I spend a lot of my time overwhelmed, bogged down, grouchy, foggy. There's a reason my husband and I have a weekly standing are you okay conversation. Because honestly, a lot of the time, I'm not. I feel somehow entitled to this shitty attitude. Like look how hard my life is, do you see all this crazy? Of course I'm pissy and checked out, I have to do everything (um, lie). It's a vicious cycle that I think if we're being honest, we all get caught in one way or another. Your negative emotion just may look different than mine.
But you know who freaking loves it, no matter what negative place you land in? Satan. Yeah, I went there. I've spent a lot of my Jesus loving years avoiding blaming things on the enemy out of fear of sounding like I was copping out. And I'm sure there are people who do use him that way. But you know what - it's straight up biblical. The last thing Satan wants to see is a mother enveloped in joy and peace, resting in the assurance that her worth does not come from how much of her to-do list she's knocked out. What a weapon is a woman who enjoys her children rather than dreads them? Who is present and available to those around her, rather than checked out and overwhelmed? I had this gut check the other day, and have carried it with me at the front of my mind since. Satan had me right where he wanted me. And you know what, it pissed me off. I'd let my defenses down, I'd let his lies infiltrate and settle in and rob me of the joy that I'm promised.
No more. I said the words out loud in my living room. I'm not living like this anymore. You're already beaten, and you've just lost again, okay? Get out. And not to get all heeby-jeeby, uber Christian on you, but this peace just washed over me. I felt like I was seeing through clear eyes for the first time in a long time. Nothing about my circumstances had changed, I was still surrounded by complete and utter chaos, I just wasn't drowning in it anymore. My girls stopped being annoyances (did I just call my kids annoyances? Oops.) and I could actually see them again. My house stopped closing in on me with all the things that need to be done and became our home again. I don't know, it was just a really cool moment. One I keep finding myself thankful for over and over again, asking the Lord to draw me back, remind me.
And I wanted to share it just in case you need to have this moment with your Jesus too. This wake-up call. A moment where you hold up your shield and tell Satan to GTFO. Where you reclaim your motherhood and your life for the gift that they are. Where you stand in truth instead of lies and stop drowning in it all. It's a pretty damn powerful moment, so get ready. Be prepared to have to push out some guilt, because none of that junk is from Jesus. But even better, be prepared for God to meet you there. I felt like I could feel His arms around me, whispering my girl, in that proud, just-knocked-one-out-of-the-park, daddy kind of way. Because as much as Satan wants us immobilized, foggy, drowning, oh sister - the things Jesus wants for us. Dancing in freedom, standing in truth, pointing people back to His glory. It's so good, it's indescribable. And this is what He desires for your motherhood. Isn't that just the coolest thought?? His ultimate plan wasn't for us to be pulling our hair out all day every day (those moments are inevitable), but to be resting in His goodness and faithfulness and raising these tiny arrows.
The days are so long, mama, but the years are short. How you spend your days is how you spend your years. How do you want to remember them?
Hi there! I am the girl named Blake, and this is my tiny corner of the internet. It's taken approximately 28.5 years, but I've learned to love/embrace this bold, loud, confident personality God created me with instead of apologizing for it. I write about that process and whatever else enters my weird brain, because - ya know, this is my blog and I can do what I want with it. I'm passionate about honesty, being who you really are, and showing up for the inevitable journey to get you there.
I am wife to the hunky, hard working Jeremy for the last 5 years + mama to the two most beautiful and bright little girls of all time (understandably biased here). We're big believers in Jesus, community, and grace always winning out. We love wild and crazy Friday nights, in bed by 8:30 with a glass of wine watching an episode of Seinfeld for the 100th time.
Blog: The Girl Named Blake